Our old vacuum cleaner died. We got a new one that’s better for our hardwood floors, and it comes with a fancy laser that lets you see what you’re picking up.

It was a mistake.

I mean, it works exactly as advertised, and you can indeed clearly see where you’ve already vacuumed, and where you still need to go. But you see everything. EVERYTHING. It’s like being trapped in a haunted manor where the ghosts are your past decisions, such as “let’s get a dog”.

Even in places where the dog barely ever goes, we can still see all the other dust and hair we produce ourselves. Once you start vacuuming, it’s mentally impossible to stop, because you always see more stuff to vacuum. The only way to end this torture is to finish vacuuming the entire floor. It’s like a real-life mobile time-waster game with micro-transactions paid with your sanity.

On the plus side, the kids, who are also susceptible to the same Dyson Jedi Mind Tricks as us, now do a much better job of vacuuming their bedrooms.

While our house is now arguably a bit cleaner than before, we also end up spending twice as much time vacuuming. It takes impossible mental resilience to do a “simple spot clean-up” after you dropped crumbs by cutting your baguette too close to the edge of the kitchen counter. If you’re too weak, bingo, you spend the next 10 minutes vacuuming the whole ground floor.

And no, there’s no button to turn off the laser light. You’d THINK there would be one, but apparently some models have it, and some don’t. Great job there, Dyson.

Anyway, buying the wrong vacuum may give you a cleaner house against your will. You are warned!